I used to love you.

Love at first site, really. I remember sitting at my friend’s house on that fateful day in the 90’s, limiting our America Online usage to a half-hour, because interacting with you used to be charged by the minute. We hopped in various chat rooms, talked to strangers about nothing, downloaded a photo of a half-naked girl, and then signed off, already planning out how we would use you for 30 minutes the following day.

And as I grew, so did you, Internet. You became such a glorious tool. More information than anyone could have ever imagined was instantly accessible, and for a fair fee. You helped me to learn, to laugh, to understand, to share, and to communicate.

These are the memories I will remember you by; as being the helpful buddy. The guy who connected me to so many new things; introducing me to that new band, helping me write that essay in college, showing me that new sexual position that I never thought she’d go for. You’ve given me so much, so it’s only fair that’s how I remember you.

Because as of late you’ve become a real cunt.

You still possess all of these greats assets, these great little finds, these gorgeous diamonds of information, but I find diamonds to be far less appealing when you have to sift through a swimming pool of feces to find them. And that’s what you’ve done. You’ve let so many ass holes in the door, that you ruined the club. This place used to be a great little pub, and now it’s Mr. X’s Dance Club 3000 on Ed Hardy night. It takes you an hour of dodging douche bags and sluts just to find your friends and have a good time.

There’s always been a negative element in your body of work, Internet, and that’s fine. Nobody’s perfect, man. But it seems as of late, it’s just too prevalent for me to enjoy you. Everywhere I click, I am met with racism, homophobia, fear mongering, complaining, judgment, and ignorance. It used to be so easy to ignore, but now, with so much of you based on commentary by the everyman, it’s constantly in my face. You gave everyone a voice, which I respect you for, but Christ, you could have been at least a little bit picky.

It seems like everyone is either out to spread hate or fear, and most of them are trying to make money off of it. No one is real. No one cares about what’s real. Everyone is just seeking and spewing bullshit.

And the biggest problem, Internet, is that just like when I was a young boy using you in wonder and amazement, there is constantly new, and younger people ready to go surfing on your world wide web. Don’t you want them to learn and grow as I have? Or do you want to be a part of breeding another fucking idiot that I have to interact with? And this ignorance doesn’t stay on the computer, Internet! They’re bringing it out into the streets! Unlike your cousin, Xbox Live, who does a pretty fair job of keeping his more idiotic users glued to the couch where they will eventually die of heart disease, you are raising these ignorant fools and then releasing them into the wild. This has to stop.

Maybe you and I just need some time apart. Maybe I need to learn to miss you. And you certainly have some soul searching to do.

I’ll be around if you ever need to talk, or if you need advice, and I know you’ll be here for me if I need a laugh or to figure out what actor played the father in Back to the Future 2 and 3.

Take it easy, Internet.

xoxoxoxoxo,
Pockets